33 Ways to Enhance Your Marriage

“The key to our marriage is the capacity to give each other a break. And, to realize that it’s not how our similarities work together; it’s how our differences work together.”

– Michael J. Fox


imageEvery marriage has its ups and downs. That’s just the way it is. After twelve years of marriage and a nine-year-old daughter, some ideas and concepts have proven to be helpful.

Take what you need and leave the rest.

33 Ways to Enhance Your Marriage

#1. – Always remember that during an argument you have 1 of 2 choices:

1. You can choose to be right…


2. You can choose love.

What would happen if you chose love? Your pettiness would be tossed aside and you could enter into a meaningful dialog. You would be able to face the real reason that you’re arguing; which is usually not the one you think..

Ask yourself, what are you trying to accomplish at this moment? What will being right get you? Immediate gratification? Venting of your anger?  At the cost of alienating each other? Selling your spouse out because of your need to make a point?

That’s right. If you select the second option; to choose love – then you can bypass the ugliness and begin to resolve your issues.

#2. – Remember, in the end, the winner of an argument is always the loser. (This could be a new Yogi Berra-ism?!)

#3. – It only takes one person to heal a relationship. That’s right. Think about it.

#4. – Doing chores will often keep you out of trouble, at least until you’ve finished them. Seriously, partaking in household maintenance and helping with the children means that you care.

#5. – Be on the same page with raising children and finances; especially, on how to discipline them. See: “Why Every Child Needs and iPad.” 

#6. – Meet once a week at the same time, if possible, to discuss household financial affairs. (Preferably, not before bedtime and not when the kids are around.)

Make this the one time that you discuss the topic. It will save You both from much stress. If you both have the same goals and plans, then you can work together as a partnership.

#7. – If you have any problems with your spouse, discuss them when the children are not present. Also, try to not bring up problems when you are angry.

#8. – Designate one night per week as your official date night. It doesn’t have to be a lavish evening. It could be a slice of pizza and a movie, or simply an evening stroll.

#9. – Find one activity that you both like to do and make it a regular occurrence. My Aunt and Uncle enjoyed attending minor league baseball games every weekend. They loved each other very much.

#10. –  Try not to debate “He said, She said” types of arguments or any events or particulars that happened in the past. Try to uncover what is bothering you right now and speak about the present, in the present tense; not something that happened three days ago. Talk about how and why what just happened today affects you and hurts.
old couple

#11. – Remember the Idea #1. It’s essential.

#12. – Don’t argue in the bedroom. It is where love and sleep should happen, only!

#13. – Try to not go to bed angry and aloof.

#14. – When the anger simmers down; try facing each other, holding each others’ hands, and looking into each others eyes; speak from the heart to each other about what you are feeling and going through

#15. – Learn to listen And HEAR what you spouse is saying. Acknowledge that you heard them.

#16. – Never use attacking hurtful words with you are angry. You will regret it. Rather, tell them how this or that makes you feel when they say or do that.

#17. – Always be honest; even if it is embarrassing of may cause a little discomfort. Be in your truth. Once you lie to your spouse, you are no longer in an intimate and honest relationship. Yes, it IS that Black and White! (Oh, okay, so you didn’t have a chicken caesar salad, you had those amazing BBQ ribs and fries!) Yes, it takes courage.

#18. – Know that marriage, with all of it’s ups and downs is the best and fastest way to accumulate wisdom, self-knowledge, and emotional maturity and growth.

#19. –  …still having problems? Seek a counselor. Make sure it’s not someone whom either of you is already seeing. You will know you have a good one, if:
1: They don’t choose sides.
2. They remember everything you’ve said.
3. They ask good questions that give you both insights
4. The session leaves you both with something to discuss.

#20. – Know that you are never angry for the reason you think. It may be something the other said or did, but often it’s just salt being poured on to a childhood wound.

#21. – You chose this person to be your mate. You were at one time magnetically drawn to them. Often, they are similar in some way to one of your parents. They have a valuable life lesson to teach you.

#22. – Your spouse IS your soulmate; whether it’s going well or poorly. Try to see this.

#23. – Passionate sex is great, playful sex is great too. Relate what you like and don’t like. Discuss any problems later, outside the bedroom.

#24. – Sex is not about having the over-used “amazing” and perfect ten orgasms each time you make love. It’s about enjoyment, pleasure, and being with each other. The orgasms come from this place.

#25. – Men: you won’t ejaculate too early if you stay mindful of your breathing. The worse thing is to hold your breath or breathe too rapidly. Slow down and breathe calmly from your abdomen. You can be both excited and in control simultaneously.

#26. – Woman – if you move like you are in an African Dance class, you will drive your man crazy. You will have better orgasms if you can both get into a good steady rhythm and let go.

#27. – Revisit the times when you were first courting; when you first fell in love and were passionate for each other.

#28. – Do fun things as a family, at least once a week

#29. – Have as many home-cooked meals with everyone sitting at the same table. Make conversation rules, such as:
1. No grotesque topics
2. No gossip
3. No politics
4. No anger
5. No teasing

#30. – I guarantee you that given the choice, your children would rather live with fewer “things” if their parents were happy.

#31. – No single person can be all things to another. Expand and find friends who have shared interests with you. Especially, ones that your spouse has no interest. It’s not fair to shut off a part of yourself just because you’re married.

Marriage shouldn’t diminish you, it should augment you.

#32. – Share the responsibilities of the children. Here’s a Yogi Berra-ism: If you are working too much, then, you are working too much.

#33. – Your spouse and children are your home, your world. Learn to cherish them. See: “Try a Little Tenderness.” 


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James Finn

Author: James Finn

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